“Of all the rights of woman, the greatest is to be a mother”
― Lin Yutang
How time flies, it's been four years since my son went abroad for his undergrad; it seems as if it happened in the not so distant past. I remember my son waking me up in the wee hours of a winter morning to tell me very proudly that he had been accepted into the college of his choice. The memories come rushing back- of how unabashedly thrilled we were, there was a quite pride in his accomplishment and we saw in him a young lad burgeoning with confidence.
― Lin Yutang
How time flies, it's been four years since my son went abroad for his undergrad; it seems as if it happened in the not so distant past. I remember my son waking me up in the wee hours of a winter morning to tell me very proudly that he had been accepted into the college of his choice. The memories come rushing back- of how unabashedly thrilled we were, there was a quite pride in his accomplishment and we saw in him a young lad burgeoning with confidence.
All too soon it was time for him to leave. I did recognize this fact that imperceptibly things were changing and my child was leaving the nest and though he would keep coming back, but from now on it could only be for short durations. I knew that now my role of nurturing him had gotten over. It was time for me to let go of him and for him to move on and embark on the next stage of his life ...which he alone would have to navigate and his learning’s would help him flourish as a person.
Nonetheless, I was anxious about how he would cope on his own without any support system. Turned out that, I worried about him for nothing ...he adjusted beautifully in the new environment and for someone who had never been away from home for more than a couple of days he was not a wee bit homesick. I had asked him when he was home for his winter break whether he missed home and he had replied very simply that no not at all. I had very mixed feelings about his answer ...it left me thinking that should I rejoice at this fact that my son was not a mama-papa boy and showed signs of independence or was it something to be bothered about ...his nonchalant and blasé answer left me somewhat disquieted.
All too soon it was my daughter's turn to go to college. In the exhilaration that she was going to be near her brother and in the run up to her leaving there was no time to dwell ... it hardly dawned upon me that I was going to be without both my children. The daughter had been the more pampered one so to begin with she missed our mollycoddling but she too found her groove and settled down.There was no more senti ones from her, rather she was pushing me to think beyond them.
It was an anxious time for me, as a parent of young adults. I felt scared that all this new independence doesn’t lead them into some not so good habits- drugs, drinking and whatever else that comes with the Western way of life. My only choice was to trust them and believe that our traditional Indian values will not be completely lost on them and though they might not live and behave the way we would wish them too but still the basic values they had imbibed over the years will hold them in good stead.
So how was it with both the children not around? Not too hard I liked the fact that for the first time I had time for myself, time to catch up with friends without having to worry about neglecting my responsibility, could sleep to my heart’s content, no more getting up early to fix their tiffins and no more of those dreadfully boring Parent Teacher Association meetings in school.
It is not to say that I didn't miss my children - they had been such an integral part of my existence and to begin with I sure felt bereft without them. I missed my daughter’s incessant chatter, her coming to my room and filling me up on all that had happened in school. When they had been around their friends would come for sleepover and the house would be filled with activity- their fights, screams, howls, food and more food, loud music, things flung around, dirty shoes, walls plastered with what not, their rooms in a disarray, clothes littered everywhere ... OMG ... that time I longed for when would all this get over -yet those were very satisfying and joyful days ... and now all of a sudden there was this quietness which was rather deafening.
But more than that was the gradual feeling of purposelessness. I had been very hands on with the kids till then - my identity had been that of a mother, now there was an identity crisis. I figured out that work was the panacea to all my ills. This was a phase of introspection, of discovering my passion and working on it. I totally immersed myself in my work. Though I had started doing it to keep myself busy but gradually realized that I was enjoying it too. This was a new exciting phase in my life -a phase where I was evolving, thinking more about me without feeling guilty.
One talks a lot about pursuing one's dreams but few can actually manage to do so. When I decided to venture into work I gave a lot of thought about what was that one thing that gave me happiness because I wanted to enjoy doing what I did and this is the 'gyaan' I give my children too ... follow your dreams and rest would come true.
There is an unmistakable realization, of how precious times spent together as a family are. So we take holidays together with the children for we know that it’s only a short while before they are hard pressed to find time as they move into jobs and have responsibilities of their own- but then that is life ... bittersweet.
I am now a lot more comfortable being on my own ... get more time to talk with the hubby, we do our own simple things which we missed doing in their growing up years ...we travel a lot more, have rekindled my interest in reading ... it's a new life which beckons me. Yes, children are still very important to me and I shall always be there for them when they need me ... yet I realize they have dreams and ambitions ... they will need to find their place under the sun, and this discovery will be their own ...
