A Rejuvenating Summer

It's been a lot of travelling of late, first the long haul from Delhi to New York and then on to Pittsburgh to attend my daughter's graduation (or commencement as they call in the States) ceremony.

Proud Parents

Have now come down to stay with my son who is working here in White Plains, New York. The weather has been wonderfully pleasant, and when it does get warm ... before you know, it rains and soon cools down.

A view from the apartment 

After a long time the whole family is together and are truly enjoying a lazy vacation - with no particular agenda - days are filled with sleeping long, roaming around in the markets picking up something here and there on sheer impulse. The only things that we planned and shopped for - a queen bed, curtains and an air conditioner. It's a great feeling for me ... being with my son  and helping him out to do  up his place (this thing of 'doing it up' is also a misnomer, today's kids live life on the move and unlike yesteryear when setting up home was a long drawn exercise stretching over a few years (for various reasons,either one did not have enough money to do up your house in a day or two or one had to wait endlessly to get the things one was exactly looking for as there were hardly enough choices available in the market). Nowadays,( and perhaps more so in the West) you can virtually set up your home in a weekend  ... rent an apartment in the morning, move the furniture in the afternoon, buy all the kitchen stuff online and decorative for the living room in the evening - buy a car the next day ... and by Jove you are all set. How things have changed in this jet set world!

After a very long time - each one of us are not just there.... but really together physically and emotionally, no stress about anything ... the son has no lectures to attend, no projects to submit, daughter is just done with her exams (she would start with her Master’s program only in Fall), the hubby has no mails to look into, no long office hours - and I too, have no compulsions of meeting customer commitments or looking after the household -  the family is spending the much touted and clichéd  'quality time' - if you will. Honestly, I don't buy this typical sleep deprived corporate slave coined  terminology -  'quality time' - for one should spend as much time as possible with family ... and be around them and share and savor every day moments.  This is what we all did - played poker, watched 'House of Cards', together, discussed friends and family, talked about small and why even the most inconsequential things - taught my son how to iron a shirt, learnt from my daughter how to make an absolutely finger-licking pasta, wandered (mostly aimlessly) in the super markets and shopped with them, watched movies (we saw 'Godzilla' yesterday ... pretty ordinary though it has got rave reviews here in the US), cooked meals together and then did the dishes as well, ate out and tried new restaurants, (the Cheesecake Factory ...it has some great tasting pastas, pizza and of course Cheesecake)

The famous franchise in White Plains

went to AMF and tried our hand at bowling,  checked out all possible ice cream flavors, went on hikes ... and just spent time together, as a family. All this is not just spending quality time but spending as much time as possible with family.

One would be amazed how much you learn about your family's likes, dislikes, their worries, interests, what moves them, what bothers them, what they care about - how they see their life - today and tomorrow when you just laze around and yap. You share so much with them and they with you and while we may not exactly agree on about everything, yet we all learn about each other and more importantly nurture the love and care we feel for each other. Family time is indeed your very own confession time - for whatever you may have done they would listen to you like no one else, understand where you are coming from and not judge you - being with them is cathartic and at the same time an eye opener - family loves you for what you are for they have nothing but your very best at heart.

Life is not just about achievements and accomplishments made in professional or work life - it is equally or perhaps more importantly about loving, caring and laughing with your loved ones.

My Daughter... make more like her !

It's a great feeling seeing my daughter blossom into this young woman - now all grown up and about to graduate. What do I say about my daughter, she is of course the apple of our eyes. Thinking of her takes me back to the time when she was born. She took her time alright ... was overdue by almost two weeks and even in the hospital came at her own pace - not one to be hurried up. As a newborn she was totally angelic no keeping us awake at night or being cranky - she was this perfect kid who did all the right things and made life very easy for us, living as we were far away from family.

Growing up she was a very self-possessed child and even as a two year old knew exactly what she wanted, would pick out her own clothes to wear ... seldom the one that I wanted her to wear - I always complain to her that she never gave me a chance to dress her up in girly stuff- to my chagrin she never took to wearing frocks.  She was a handful when it came to fighting for her equal but fair chance - be it her turn to sit in the front seat or the right to go second for a bath on a holiday or even her shot to control the TV remote. I took pride in her assertiveness, her independence and her feistiness.

Much as we educated Indians tend to believe that we give our daughter's an equal treatment at home - believe it or not, nothing could be far from truth. As she grew, I heard this often from my sis in law ... rein her 'she's a girl', I saw others giving less opportunity to daughters than to sons, in closed doors you heard -it’s all very well , that boys and girls are equal - the girl has to but get married. Such double standards ... I blissfully ignored this utter nonsense.

It was my endeavor to make sure that she lived her life on her own terms, even the mundane and minutiae was HER CHOICE ... she did what she wanted to, getting her hair done the way she wanted, taking up social causes like her fad to campaign against drugs or standing up for rights of LGBTs ... what interested her she took up, what boys she had for friends, partying late, having her first alcoholic drink - she is herself ... uninhibited, self-assured, confident, part bohemian,  non-judgmental ... not what exactly most women are allowed to be, in the constrained, near stifling Indian ethos which is colored and run by men.

 I don't know what the future has in store for her, what brickbats or plaudits come her way, but what I am absolutely certain about her is that she would be this amazing woman who would live her life with  chutzpah and more importantly, a whole lot of self-worth.

Now she is this young girl, the darling of the family. A very loving and caring sister (loves to buy things for her brother) - they are siblings in arms. Like any daughter, very indulgent towards her father - will not listen to anything against him. Her mother (and too a little lesser extent her father) is her punching bag ... somebody she can say whatever comes to her mind. She often jokes that no guy will measure up to my standards - which just might be true (to love as wholeheartedly and selflessly as parents do, is indeed a tall order). She fights me on trivial and not so trivial issues, gets real mad but then she makes up very quickly too.

Now as she stands on the cusp of adulthood, I see this poised young woman who has wings and wants to fly and it gives me a lot of contentment that this child of mine has grown into an independent thinking, free spirited young girl who speaks her mind and can stand up for herself.

This classic sonnet captures my daughter's vim and vigor, her persona beautifully !


Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me. 

Maya Angelou